• David Smeltz

Accepting “What Is” in this Moment

Updated: Sep 24, 2020

Recovery is never boring. There Is always something to work on pertaining to self. When I came into this process over 19 years ago I was accustomed to getting what I wanted when I wanted it. Let me rephrase that. I was accustomed to believing I deserved everything I wanted and then some. That pattern of belief set me up for frustration and anxiety over not getting my deserved comeuppance in life. The more I didn’t get what I wanted the more I’d try to force it into existence. And if that wasn’t enough, the other side of the coin was an indwelling fear of losing what I already had. My life was based on a head full of not getting and trying to hold onto. Always pulled in separate directions similar to being mentally dismembered by disruption. One thing for sure; I am never cured of my obsessive thinking. I have to shine a light inside this head often! I ask myself “Do I want to be temporarily satisfied or consistently serene?”. I’ve proved to myself time and time again that even when I get what I want the satisfaction only lasts so long and then I search for something else outside of myself to make me feel better. Just being alright with “What Is” is an exercise in acceptance. Currently, I’m accepting physical limitations brought about by health issues. I’m most certainly feeling and moving around better than I have been but my body will just shut down sometimes. So, I work with it and not against it. Which means that I can’t always do and get what I want. All a relearning of lessons from early sobriety which help me stay fairly sane in an often insane world. Something as simple as waiting for a prescheduled phone interview today opened up that neural pathway leading to a sense of control. But, guess what happened? No one called. My response today (after several crazy thoughts..I’m not cured, remember?) send an email and let it go. Wow..maybe I am growing up..😉

Still Grateful!!

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