The 12 Promises # 11
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
Clarity and presence of mind are a blessing. I'm sure that some of those reading this, having not been through active addiction, would have difficulty identifying with this promise. After all, who gets baffled by every day life? Answer: Me! I can't count the number of times back in the day that I would vacillate from one decision to another. I could never settle on a thought and follow it through. The longer I'd sit and think about the situation and all the possible outcomes the more I'd switch to another plan with supposed better outcomes. Going back and forth between the two, three or four of my plans resulted in not taking action at all. Hence, I would baffle myself! My indecisiveness was in part brought about by consistent chemically altered thinking patterns. Another factor precipitating my paradoxical over analysis would come from my wanting and needing to know exactly what the outcome would be. I had never been one for acceptance of anything when the results didn't favor me. After awhile in active addiction it became more and more burdensome to perceive any outcome that would advantage me without worries of impending doom surrounding it. It seemed as though I was always worried about trouble, supposed or real, just waiting to pounce on me. I lived my life overly suspicious of everyone and everything accompanied by a large cloud of guilt forever looming over my head.
Today, I am no longer in fear of a razor-edged sword of judgement dropping upon my neck. I no longer fear the pay back for dirty deeds done. I had once believed that in order to accept situations I would have to agree with them as well. I've learned that I do not always have to agree with things in order to accept them. Acknowledging this has allowed me the opportunity to accept many things I most certainly would not have accepted in the past. Acceptance means I no longer have to fight the situation. In other words: It is what it is. Surrender brings acceptance. The best way to end a fight is to stop fighting. So, today I choose my battles. Strangely enough, when I began to change; so did my situations.
And for this, I am Grateful!