The 12 Promises #2
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Firstly, I will thank a God of my understanding for allowing me the ability to think and reason with a fairly clear mind these days. The capacity to put words to paper (Microsoft Word to PC), alone, is enough reason to be thankful. But, there are so many more reasons. The freedom to leave the house without having to use first, the freedom to not obsess over when or where the next drink or drug will come from. Addiction is slavery. When I mention "addiction"; alcohol is included. My every move revolved around it. Alcohol was my master and I was driven into the rooms of recovery by the whip and lash of addiction. I had never previously appreciated the power to make choices independent of my obsession to use. I experienced a life where my choices were made for me based on my inability to function without the use of mood and mind altering substances. Let me make this clear - I am the one that ingested this stuff willingly in the beginning. By the end of my addiction I used against my will. For those who are not addicts and believe all that is needed is strong enough willpower, let me say, I thought the same thing. And, there was a time early in my party days when I could stop. The problem was that I wouldn't stay stopped! Trust me, I've had many a discussion with people who tell me about how their uncle just stopped on his own or how they personally were able to stop. Before I learned more about addiction, I thought that I should have the ability to quit just like them. I beat myself up countless times for not being able to. I thought maybe I was not only morally deficient but less of a man on top of it. "If you cared about your family then I'd think you would stop", "If you were any type of a man you'd beat this thing". All statements were offered in good faith but impossible for an addict like me to implement without help. I learned that I am mentally and physically different from those that can stop successfully. Once I identified with the problem, only then was I willing to go to any length for the solution. In other words, I had to admit to my inner most self that my condition was hopeless unless I surrendered fighting it and asked for help. My initial taste of freedom came with my complete surrender. When I stopped fighting and admitted I couldn't stop on my own; my emancipation from slavery was set in motion. I live daily with a new freedom and a new happiness not only resultant from fleeing the yoke of addiction but also from being relieved from the bondage of self. My aforementioned subjugation to chemicals would eventually allow me to live happily and freely only after being beaten into submission. I alone have the power to make my days happy or sad. Just knowing and implementing this new found power permits me a daily sense of freedom. And once again, for this:
I Am Truly Grateful!